This month's Vogue

This month’s Vogue contains an article I wrote on how to make friends later in life.

http://www.vogue.com.au/

The piece was half inspired by another article I wrote for Vogue this year about the art of conversation.

I am always interested to see how people change as they age and whether they open up or shut off to new experiences, ideas and people. Often we are so busy we feel there isn’t room for any new people in our lives. While I understand that feeling, I think it’s a worrying one and something I try to fight against.

As part of the research for that piece, I interviewed journalist and author Brigid Delaney, the author of the recent This Restless Life.

http://thisrestlesslife.com/

In her book Brigid interviews a whole batch of young Australians travelling the work for work, study and the next new experience. She attempts to understand the mindset of this mobile group of gold-collar workers.

Here is an extract from our interview.

V: Did you find that the issue of making friends came up in your interviews for the book?

BD: Yeah. I think it’s a lot easier than it used to be. I still find that people, at whatever age, are still keen for connections, still keen for friendship and will often renew or replenish friendship depending on their stage in life. They will keep their old friends but they might be in different careers or different family structures so as their life changes, their need for friendship changes. People who are open and want connections will make new friendships depending on their stage of life. I don’t necessarily think it stops, it is an ongoing process. You can make some fantastic friendships later in life through life changes such as motherhood or divorce – they are big ones. Once you are single again, you have all this free time and friendship is so important. People who stay with the same friendship group throughout life, it can be quite a lonely experience. Your life is obviously going to diverge at different points and you are going to need to replenish people.

V: In terms of the people you talked to for your book, whose lives are pretty mobile, what was driving them to move - work, experiences, love?

BD: Mainly work, but also postgraduate studies, where they would meet a whole new range of people, high powered, a good cross-over of connections based on work and friendship. And that would open the door to the most extraordinary lives. Those friendship groups are truly international and these people would be visiting friends’ parents in Tuscany or visiting someone who had hired a Greek Island for a holiday. When people travel they are more open to new experiences, new people. They are probably more likely to make friends away than they would at home. At home they have their habits and their structures and their routines and they may not necessarily be room for new people.

V: What does this open and mobile attitude create do you think?

BD: It creates the primacy of weak ties. It means being comfortable with people who you don’t have strong ties with. It requires the person to be social gregarious and trusting and open.

V: Does that presuppose a degree of confidence?

BD: Confident people thrive in this world. If you are comfortable about moving in and out of social groups and open to different people, you will do well.

V: What would you say to someone who says they are too busy to make new friends?

BD: People who say that should try to maybe, once a month, talk to someone they wouldn’t normally talk to, invite someone over for dinner, a co-worker who looks intriguing. I think there are a lot of riches that can come from broadening your social circle.